No Apologies

One of my favorite preemie mom blogs wrote a post that seemed a little apologetic for being less than stoic about her situation. I’ve noticed it’s a common theme. From the blogs I’ve read (too many), special needs moms seem to feel bad about complaining. The expression of negative emotions are often criticized, ignored, or dismissed by others. Somehow, we are supposed to always see the bright side. I wrote in the comments section on her blog as follows…

“I think it’s OK (even healthy) to complain to a certain point. The stuff special needs moms are dealing with isn’t trivial. I think it’s unfair for people to expect special needs moms to be strong and positive all the time. It aggravates me when people say trite things after I admit that I’m scared for my baby or that I’m struggling at times. We’ve all heard them way too many times… Things happen for a reason…. God doesn’t give us more than we can handle… What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.  It’s even worse when someone replies, “But you’re so strong.” as if being anything but strong isn’t an option. I think my least favorite is when someone offers anecdotal evidence and concludes my baby will be fine because that baby was.

Don’t get me wrong… I’m so grateful that my micro-preemie is home with me. I am overjoyed at things other parents take for granted. Conversely, I do have those days when I am overwhelmed and scared. I don’t think I should have to apologize for expressing that…”

In short, I am not a super hero. I am a parent. I fight as hard for my baby as most parents in my situation would. Yes, there are days that I am overwhelmed, tired, and/or stressed by it all. I would be lying if I said that I was handling things flawlessly. Please don’t expect me to pretend things are great ALL of the time. There are times when I just need someone to listen… even if they don’t know what to say. Sometimes I may feel the need to whine, cry, or yell… it’s par for the course I’m on. For that, I make no apologies.