I’ve written about it before. I see it mentioned again and again on social media. I think it is time to revisit the topic. Almost two years (Charlie is 23 months today!) into my preemie parenting journey, I continue to have lingering guilt. I know I shouldn’t feel guilty but I continue to do so. At this point, I realize the logical part of my brain and the emotional part of my brain do not coordinate with each other. I can know something but feel something completely different. My guilt exists due to those darned emotions that won’t listen to reason. I feel guilty when…
- I meet a mom whose baby passed in the NICU. I know how easily that could have been me. It is simply by chance that our situations are not reversed.
- I feel frustration, hurt, sadness, anger, etc about Charlie’s delays. I know there are parents who have bigger challenges and would love to be in my shoes.
- I react irrationally due to some deep-seeded hurt, loss, sadness, or frustration. The guilt is immediate after I snap at someone.
- I am jealous or envious of another parent. I wish I was better than such pettiness.
I feel guilty because…
- I feel like I failed my husband and Charlie in some way. Even though I know better, I feel like all this is somehow my fault.
- Charlie has a very good chance of catching up eventually. I know many parents aren’t so lucky.
I don’t know at what point the guilt will begin to lift. I can hope it will eventually.