Never In A Million Years

There are days that I wake up and wonder, “How did I get here?” and “Is this really my life?” There are several aspects of my life that I previously did not picture for myself. What I find amusing is that the things I once declared I couldn’t, shouldn’t, and wouldn’t do are the very things I love about my life now.

For example, until about a year prior to Charlie’s birth, I had written off kids as something for other people. I was convinced that I was not right for parenting and sure that I could not do it. Furthermore, I was positive special needs parenting was something beyond my capabilities. However, having Charlie is one of the best decisions I have made and will ever make in life. It may have been impossible to picture life with a baby before her but I surely cannot picture life without her now.

Likewise, my friends in high school used to tease me by saying that I would be a soccer mom.  Although I did not know what I wanted to be, I vowed there was no way that I was going to be a house wife. Fifteen years later, I am a stay at home mom. When Charlie starts school, I plan on returning to the work force (I am already exploring career options). Even so, I am perfectly content with what I am currently doing. I am proud to say I am a stay at home mom and treasure these years.

Lastly, other people are shocked when I tell them that I joined a moms’ group. I suppose I am the last person anyone (including myself) would expect to join a moms’ group. Whatever the reason, I am pleased that I joined. The other moms in the group are funny, kind, intelligent, and understanding. I fully enjoy their company. They are supportive and encouraging. In turn, I find myself desiring to try new challenges, resurrect old hobbies, and confront issues that with I may otherwise dawdle.

I suppose I had not envisioned this life for me because I was very different when I was younger. I was unable to imagine the possibilities before me. Nevertheless, life has turned out better than I had ever hoped it would be. While it is nice to bewilder others, I find the real delight comes from surprising myself.


About Rebecca Wood

In May 2012, my pregnancy ended three and a half months early due to severe early onset preeclampsia. This is my collection of thoughts and media. It is an attempt to document and discuss our experience of navigating the post NICU world. View all posts by Rebecca Wood

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