Delayed Gratification

When I was pregnant, we had a plan worked out. It was a road map we were going to follow the next couple years of our lives. We had decided on this great home in Falls Church. We pictured doing our grocery shopping at the Whole Foods across the street, taking Charlie to see the apple blossoms, and going to the new children’s museum. However, Charlie had other plans.

Charlie came earlier than I could have imagined. I did not have the opportunity to take pregnancy pictures or wear the maternity clothes in my closet. I didn’t get to spend the summer bobbing in the pool as I pictured. Her birth announcement was mixed with fear rather than filled purely with joy. The life we had planned and envisioned would no longer work. We went back to the drawing board.

Instead of Falls Church, we chose a home in the mountains. The mountains, country, and forests had recently become our favorite vacation spots with Charlie. We had been through enough… We wanted our daily lives to seem like vacation.

We are in the midst of designing the rooms in our house. Decorating Charlie’s room and playroom has a particular significance. This is how it was supposed to be. Granted, I would have preferred doing this with Charlie in my belly rather than on my hip. I am delighted that we get to have this experience.

With all the losses during my pregnancy experience, I desperately cling to the things I still have. These are the things that can still go according to how I imagined them upon discovering my pregnancy. The timing may be off but it is every bit as wonderful.

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About Rebecca Wood

In May 2012, my pregnancy ended three and a half months early due to severe early onset preeclampsia. This is my collection of thoughts and media. It is an attempt to document and discuss our experience of navigating the post NICU world. View all posts by Rebecca Wood

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